The spectacular adventures of Miz, Bid and Rig!
by Advisor Irk
Summary: Follow our beautiful Irken hero and her SIR on their quest to locate an Irken! It's a parody of all of those Mary sue fics out there. Chapter five: A new hero saves the day! The savior is...?
1. Quest starting happens!

(This was supposed to be a humor fic, but failed because I can't write anything funny. It is still a parody though, so enjoy it while you can!)

Once upon a time a beautiful Irken invader was bowing before the Tallests, who were giving their full attention to her, oddly enough.

"Now that I've invaded a planet once, can I please choose my next one?"

"No, of course not. The other invaders weren't allowed to do that, so you can't do that." Said Red, who was actually repeating himself.

"Why aren't you satisfied with staying at Resortia or Gardenia like the other Ex-Invaders, anyway?" Purple asked. At least he wasn't repeating himself.

"Because," started the alluring Invader dramatically, "there is someone I must meet."

"Really? If that's the case, then just call them and leave us alone! We have snacks to eat, after all!" Said Red, who had turned around mid-way through his sentence, so the Invader was only able to see his back.

Purple followed suit.

"I guess," Said the enticing Invader with a sigh, "I'll have to go without The Empire's permission."

She was, talking out loud to herself, but the Tallests managed to not hear her, due to mysterious circumstances.

-

When we join up with our attractive Invader friend again, she is getting into her custom black Voot cruiser, sighing every few minutes. With her is her SIR unit, Rig, who was an older model then standard, but the Invader still loved Rig and thought the older models were better anyways. Rig had green eyes and had an antennae in the shape of a green flower.

"Rig, let's get going soon. Are you done setting co-ordinates yet?

Rig was in fact, done, but choose not to tell her master because she had free will, unlike other SIRs. The Invader had to check if the ship was set herself, which wasn't really hard anyways.

"COMPUTER! Is the ship set with correct co-ordinates for planet 53283-52663-75223 yet?

The computer's rather monotone voice replied, "Yes. Rig set them yesterday."

"Yesterday!? How come I never heard of this?" Said the Female Irken, sounding slightly angry.

"Because- How would I know?"

"Whatever," the dazzling Invader said with a sigh. She finished packing and threw Rig inside the ship before climbing in.

-

Now we find the wonderful Invader in the cockpit of her custom Voot, speeding around space heading for one mysterious planet against the Tallests orders. Along side her was Rig, a SIR unit who has yet to say anything. They had a mission: Go meet someone. So far we know the planet is number 53283-52663-75223, but that won't tell us anything.

The Invader's Voot was quite fast, and within a week they were arriving in the solar system that was their destination.

"Rig! Trace down an Irken energy signal on this planet! We have to find him soon!" The lovely Irken ordered.

"Yes Ma'am!" Rig said, her eyes glowing red for a second. A second later, she found one.

"COMPUTER! Go to the source of the signal! We have an Irken to find."

And so an Invader and her SIR race down to the surface of an alien planet, looking for a certain Irken.

WHO is this Irken the Invader is locating?

WHAT is the Invaders name?

WHEN will something explode?

WHERE is this planet?

WHY are you reading this?

Find out next time on The spectacular adventures of Miz, Bid and Rig!

(I never really like asking for reviews, but I do appreciate it, as it gets me in the mood to write once more.)


	2. Meet poor CrystaliBird, everyone!

Now we drive our attention away from our spectacular female Irken protagonist and instead look to a girl with the wonderful name of Bid. Bid's name may be strange, but in truth it is in fact a very cool shortened version of her name, which really was Crystalibird. Bid was just short for it, and as everyone agreed on, it was a perfect name for her.

Bid had grown up in the harsh streets of New York city, where she lived with her abusive parents. Her father, Tom, was a big lazy jobless guy who smoked 3.14159265 packs of cigarettes a day and drank twice as many bottles of beer. Her mother, Jerry- I mean Jenny was very tall and skinny and had a thin and pointy face. She was very harsh to poor Bid. And she was ugly.

If you're thinking that Bid, daughter of two horribly ugly and mean people, had to be ugly and mean herself, you are very, very wrong. Bid would never admit to being stunningly beautiful, but she was really just modest. You'd never find her talking about herself, not anyone else for that matter. Bid had very slick, shiny and sparkly black hair that reached her shoulders. She had soft, almost tan skin and a very slender figure. Her eyes were a deep ocean blue that when you looked into them, you broke down and cried because you can almost see the hardships Bid has had to face in her life reflected in them. Set on her shoulder, among many scars from abuse, was a birthmark dark as night in the shape of a raven, flying away.

Bid had a best friend, an ugly girl by the name of Melissa. Melissa was Bid's best friend forever, she helped Bid cope with her abusive parents and was very caring. Bid was friends with Melissa even though she was ugly because Bid could see the best in all good people in the world.

-

When Bid was fourteen, something _horrible_ happened. Melissa called Bid on her cellphone to tell her one thing:

"It was for your own good..."

Confused, Bid went home only to find her father dead in a puddle of blood. Bid broke down into tears, for even if she had suffered abuse from her father and had hated him, she somehow loved him _**deep**_ down on the inside. Bid cried and cried for days. She was so sad, she couldn't manage to be angry at Melissa, who had probably killed her father. But out of all bad things come something good, Bid found. A very attractive guy, Terry, who was fifteen approached Bid one day out of nowhere and comforted her. Soon Bid found herself in complete love with him, and he with her.

Bid was once again happy. Melissa was her friend again and Terry was a perfect boyfriend, meeting all her needs. Her mother still abused her at the same rate, if not more then before, but her friends always were there for her.

One day, in late August, Bid was struck with the arrow of fate once more. She walked in on Terry and her mother making out on the couch. This made Bid incredibly mad, mad enough to kill both her mother and Terry. Then she cried after seeing what she had done. To make everything worse, her friend Melissa had run away from home last week and no one had seen her since.

-

Bid then swallowed her sadness and forgot her fear. She wanted to move on in life, so she moved away from New York City and into another town, far away. Not even she knew the towns name. In this town she lived in the local abandoned mansion that was in perfect shape and used the money in the safe to buy new clothes and furniture. After making sure she was set, Bid enrolled in Skool- after all, she was only thirteen.

WHO does Bid think she is?

WHAT happened to Melissa?

WHEN will something happen?

WHERE can I find an abandoned mansion in perfect shape?

WHY is Bid not in jail?

Find out next time on The spectacular adventures of Miz, Bid and Rig!


	3. Clash of the nearly perfects!

It was three seconds after later that our Irken hero's ship reached the atmosphere of the mysterious planet. This planet was, of course, Earth. Where else do beautiful and successful Irkens go that is not a random planet filed with chemicals which burn their skin?

Anyways, our wonderful hero and her SIR sat in the rather roomy cockpit of the custom black voot. (It's roomy because it's custom and can thus can ignore the laws of the universe.) The Irken's ship zoomed around the planet, Rig keeping an eye out for anything Irken-made.

"We'll build here Rig! HERE!" The female Irken said with much drama in her normally soothing voice. The voot, as if obeying her voice command, dropped down onto the ground, which was in fact a street. Rig and the Irken jumped out of the cockpit and watched as a house was made. It was pink with one large window on it. The purple roof held the voot, and could open to let the voot fly away. There was a large satellite on the roof too, so the Irken Invader could communicate with the universe when ever she wanted.

Across the street from the new pink house was one just like it, only blue. This was the source of the Irken signal. In front of the house, the Invader choose her disguise and Rig's disguise.

"Rig, you're going to be a good dog," The Invader said while putting Rig in the disguise machine.

"I wanta be a bunny though!" Rig squealed while the machine was doing it's job. Rig now came out as a dark purple dog, with an obvious zipper going down her front.

"Maybe on weekends," said the Invader, now entering he machine herself. She came out as a tall, pale-skinned girl with back-length blond hair that reached her back. Her eyes were amethyst purple and she was still wearing her Invader uniform, which was a two-piece shirt, with alternating black and pink stripes. She wore sandals on her feet and a black mini-skirt instead of the typical black pants that most Irkens wore. She could wear this special uniform because the uniform-person was in complete love with our dazzling Irken friend and made a special one just for her.

Making a flash decision, our Sparkly Irken friend decided to go to the local learning facility to find the Irken she was seeking. She knew that the Irken would be going to the learning facility, and she was right. She was always right, and somewhere in the distance, Rig squealed.

It was a new Earth day, early morning, when Ms. Bitters slammed her phone on it's holder with a screech.

"Children, just to spite me, the school board has decided to increase the number of students by two!"

At that moment, the classroom's door flew open and a mist rolled in with two girls.

The first one stepped into the light. It was Bid. All the guys gaped and started drolling. Except Zim, as he said he could never love a piece of Earth filth.

Bid spoke, "Hello, my name is Crystalibird, Bid for short. I know I'm amazing, but I don't want to admit it. Love me everyone! LOVE MEEE!!"

The second person stepped forward. This was our Irken friend. Once more, everyone gaped and drolled, including Zim. He knew she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, even better then himself.

The disguised Irken now spoke, "Hi, My name is Miz. I love all of you for who you are and I know we'll all be friends. Except nerds. I won't be nice to them."

Now, we must note something before continuing on with our story. Dib was staring at Bid intently- he was in total love. Zim was staring at Miz with the most attention he had ever given- he was in total love. Isn't that strange?

Anyways, ms. Bitters now chose two random seats for Miz and Bid to sit at. Bid was placed right next to Dib and Miz was placed in the very back.

Bid almost ran to her seat, but Miz stood still and asked ms. Bitters politely, "Shouldn't I sit in the front of the class, so it looks like everyone is paying attention?"

Ms. Bitters looked thoughtful for a second then said, "All right, go ahead," She pointed a finger to the desk next to Zim.

Miz then skipped happily to her new desk and gave Zim a quick smile before getting out her workbook.

"All right class," Ms. Bitters said, "Open your book to page 9001 and read every third letter. You will be quizzed later."

The class got to work, except Bid, who raised her hand high into the silent air of the classroom.

Ms. Bitters raised an eye at the hand. No one interrupted her class. "What is it, Bid?"

"Well," Bid started, "I've already learned all of this work and all the school work for the rest of the year."

"Really? Well, Bid, what is spelled if you read every third letter on page 9001?"

"Shakespeare's Othello."

Ms. Bitters raised an eyebrow, impressed. "Well then, go ahead and do whatever you like that is not talking."

Bid gave her a thumbs up before starting to draw a picture.

It was lunch that Dib noticed something was weird with Miz. Actually, everyone noticed. Miz was sitting with Zim. ZIM. Everyone was sure Miz was insane due to this, and started ignoring her. Or really, planning to ignore her. They couldn't ignore her now because she was sitting with Zim and no one sat with Zim. Another person everyone thought was slightly weird was Bid. Bid was sitting with Dib. Another person who no one wanted to sit with. He was so... Crazy.

Bid sat with Dib because she had a crush on him. Next to Dib was his sister, Gaz, who was playing on a game-slave advance. When Bid sat down, Gaz scowled at her.

Bid watched Gaz play for a bit, then whispered, "Can I play?"

Gaz gave her a look of hatred, then handed Bid her game. One second later, the game complete music started playing. Gaz's eyes got big as she asked how Bid did that so fast, as Gaz herself had been stuck.

"I put in the code for infinite lives and the super weapon. And I also unlocked and beat the secret level for you." Bid replied.

"The secret level? But that's- No one has ever found and beaten it before! You're amazing"

Bid tried not to smile as she said, "I know."

Farther away, Zim and Miz sat at the same table. They sat in silence until Zim finally asked Miz, "What are you doing here?" After a moment he added, almost reluctantly, "Filthy human."

"Zim, are you trying to say you don't remember me? I was you're finance on Irk!"

Zim's eyes opened very wide with shock. Then he calmed down. Then he was happy, "Miz! I had somehow almost forgotten about you! I love you!" He said, while giving Miz a hug and three kisses.

"I love you too Zim!" Miz relied happily, kissing Zim back.

The whole lunch room was quiet. Then they forgot about it and went on with their lives.


	4. Tak and Miz: A space odyssey

One dry Earth morning later, lines of children were marching off to Skool in silence. A light rain poured down on a happy Miz skipping to Skool. Rain didn't affect Miz like it did affect all Irkens in general because rain, like everyone else, loved her and was her best friend.

One her way over, Miz was being followed. She was perfectly aware, but thought it was just one of her many fans. Or maybe a cat.

What Miz didn't know was that it _was_ a cat. A blue cat. A _robotic _blue cat. Yes, Mimi was following Miz around. Or really, being sent to follow Miz around. Robots don't have free will, so Mimi's owner, Irken Janitor Tak had given her orders.

Where Tak was now was a mystery. Or why Tak was back. She had, after all, being sent flying into space with nothing but an escape pod. Why should she be back now? Miz, oblivious to Mimi, skipped into Skool not a minute early or late and sat in her seat next to Zim happily. Zim gave her a sloppy grin, which was totally in character. Across the room, Bid was stealing glances at Dib every few milliseconds. Dib had noticed and was repeating the gesture.

The daily chaotic activity of the classroom died down when Ms. Bitters entered and took her seat at the desk. Ms. Bitters, as usual, was in a foul mood, but today she looked particularly murderous.

"_Children_, I can only hope there's a mistake, for _another_ wretched child has been stuffed into this horrible classroom."

The classroom's door flung open to revel Tak.

Dib gasped. This caused Bid to glare at him. Zim growled angrily. This caused Miz to glare at him. Other kids recognized Tak as well, and there was quite some muttering.

"_Tak_!" Said Miz, who had managed to suddenly know Tak despite having arrived the previous day, "what are you doing back here!"

Tak glared at Miz, obviously stunned by her beauty, "I don't know you. Anyways, I'm Ta-"

"I DO know you Tak!" Interrupted Miz, "We were rivals! Remember Tak! I mean, maybe you erased me from your memory because I always won in our rivalry, but still, remember!"

An enlightened look came upon Tak's face, "Miz?" she asked, trembling slightly.

"Yes Tak, Miz."

And then Tak fainted.

Tak woke up in the nurse's office. Circling her, forming a semi-circle in her vision, was Zim, Bid, Miz and Dib. They had all been chosen to escort unconscious Tak to the nurse's office. However, none of them looked happy with her.

"Tak, explain what you think you're doing here," said Zim with a snarl.

"Yeah," agreed Miz, Dib and Bid concurrently.

Tak tried to laugh, but she was still dizzy from being unconscious, so her laugh sounded more like she was choking. "You think I'm going to tell my plan to you?" She laughed like she was choking again, "My plan is so perfect, it's perfect!"

Tak stood up a bit too quick, but that kind of thing didn't faze her much. She activated her robotic appendages, and Miz, and Dib were almost knocked over as Tak started to out of the Skool's hallway.

"We have to stop that disgusting Tak! She has a plan for Earth's sake!" Yelled Dib.

"She is certainly evil. Tak is very evil!" Shouted Zim

"I hate that Tak, always ruining our plans!" Said Bid, forgetting she didn't know Tak and that this was the second time Tak had ever come to Earth.

"Yeah!" Said Zim, "don't you agree, Miz-soupfa?"

There was no response.

"Miz-nafrs?"

No response.

"Miz-drgts?"

That's when Zim, Dib and Bid realized Miz was gone. Tak had taken her, obviously.

WHO is Mimi and what role does she play?

WHAT will happen to poor Miz?

WHEN will I stop buying surgery treats?

WHERE in the world is Carmon Santiago?

WHY did Tak return?

(Nafrs, Drgtsand Soupfa are all terms of Irken affection, I think. I won't make Zim use them every time he says Miz, I swear! Also, this took awhile.)


	5. Tak of the Gulf Vs ?

A note: I haven't updated this for a looooong time. Sorry people. First half was fun to write. Rest... not as much.

Miz woke up in the cold. And the dark. She felt so alone and helpless in that cold and dark place, and started crying and screaming, until she felt an electric shock. She felt the soft skin of her neck with her delicate hand, only to find something around her neck.

"Fiendish Tak! You have put a shock collar on me!" Cried Miz into the darkness of her cell, knowing her words were in vain.

"No," Stated Tak, only a single silhouette seen from the sudden light of a oil lamp, "You are wearing a choker, you fool!"

"But I felt an electric shock akin to being light on fire!" Gasped Miz.

"That was because **I lit you on fire!**" Laughed Tak evilly, like the evil person she was.

"Le gasp!" Gasped Miz breathlessly.

"And now!" Started Tak dramatically as irkanly possible, "_**I will leave you in this room for a few minutes!**_"

"No!" Cried Miz in anguish.

As Tak left, the oil lamp's light expired and all was quiet once more.

Zim and Dib hated working with each other. They _were_ enemies after all. Yet at this point they at to band together yet again. It really got tiring after awhile.

"If it wasn't for the sake of my darling Miz, I wouldn't be walking with you right now!" Zim hissed angerly at Dib.

"Well, if it wasn't for the sake of- wait a minute, why am I even coming?" Dib wondered out loud.

"That is something you should know, Behemoth-headed fool."

Tak's base was in the spot as always, a convenient two minute walk away from Ed's Bowling Ally. It wasn't hard to climb up the giant weenie stand and infiltrate it's insides. It only took about five minutes. It took them one minute to run into Tak.

"TAK!" Shrieked Zim, "Give me back my Mizzie!"

"I will never hand her beck to the likes of you!" Said Tak, drawing out a sword and lashing at Zim.

Zim, being quick on his feet, dodged and picked up a convenient sword from the floor of the weenie stand. He slashed at Tak, but she too was quick and parried. Zim had been expecting this result, as he lept into the air and brought his sword down. He would have nearly sliced Tak in half if it wasn't for her PAK. It extended a shield that took the blow for her. The shield broke, but it was enough. Tak was on her feet again.

"Wait a minute," said Dib, "You guys are super-advanced aliens and you are using swords? Don't you have guns or something?"

Both Tak and Zim stood there, dumbfounded. Then they threw the swords aside and drew high class lasers out of their PAKs. Tak got hers first, so with lightning speed she zapped the tip of Zim's antennae.

"Ouch!" Yelled Zim, clutching his broken antennae in pain.

Tak took aim once more, but then someone threw Zim off balance and out of Tak's aim. It was a human boy, with pointy navy blue hair and eyes that shown with hatred of the world.

"Hello Tak," Said the mysterious boy, "I'm Zag and I'm about to make you hurt bad."

Nearby, Gaz's heart was a flutter in love. She had snuck in to watch the sufferings of Zim, Tak and her brother, but now her eyes were glued on Zag.

Zag finished Tak up quick. All it took was the old 'your shoe's untied' trick to throw her off. One uppercut to the chin and she was out cold.

"Thank you... Zag," said Zim, angry that Zag had looked cooler then him.

"I'd suggest you save your girl now," Zag put on his sunglasses, "As for me, my job is done."

Gaz felt too shy to tell him not to go. She just went with it.

WHO is Zag? Does he love Gaz or not?

WHAT Ticked Tak off this Time?

WHEN did Gaz get there?

WHERE does one win scratchcards?

WHY did Zim forget is injury? Is it only a flesh wound?

Find out next time on your favorite show, like evar!


End file.
